Tips for Raising Confident, Healthy Kids

Seeing a confident kid in action is a sight to behold. Confident kids tend to be healthy kids: resilient, more likely to try new things, and won’t shy away from challenges. They also tend to have greater self-esteem, do better at school and have good friendships.

Confidence and good self-esteem grow in a loving, comforting environment. When our children were babies, we praised their every accomplishment – the first time they rolled over, sat up and took their first steps. When kids feel their perseverance is valued, they want to repeat that behavior and even build on it – just like babies go from sit to stand to walk to run.

Fostering Confident Kids and Teens

As kids get older it’s important to continue to help them build their confidence and self-esteem. Confident kids and teens are ones that grow from mistakes and failures, learn from them and continue to try. It might seem wrong to watch your kids fail, but was it wrong to watch your baby fall on his bottom when he tried taking his first steps? No – you helped him back up and clapped when he tried again. That’s the same approach we should take to foster confident, healthy kids.

Four Ways to Raise Confident Kids

1. Goal-set Appropriately. Your child should have goals that are reasonably attainable but will still take work. “Reach” goals – ones that may be far outside of your child’s comfort zone – are also worth setting, but set up mini, interim goals to help your child get there. For example, if your child’s ultimate goal is to run a 5K race, set up smaller goals to run 10 minutes, then 15 minutes, and so on.
    
2. Praise the Process. Our natural instinct is to celebrate the result – an A on the test! Chosen for the travel team! However, confidence-building also happens because of the effort itself. No matter the outcome, praise your child if you feel she studied her hardest, practiced a lot, and put forth her best effort.
    
3. Let Them Make Mistakes. We learn not only from what works, but from what doesn’t. Go ahead and let your kids tinker in the kitchen (even if they forget salt in the bread recipe) or try a different study strategy. Fight the urge to criticize and instead ask what they could do differently next time. Reflecting on what didn’t work helps point kids to a more successful path the next time they try.
    
4. Model Confidence-Boosting Behavior. You are the best role model for your children. Let them see you tough it out through a workout or gamely do your everyday chores, showing that to enjoy the rewards (a healthy body, a clean house) takes work. You should also acknowledge any anxieties you have over something that’s important to you (say, a presentation at work) so your kids know that it’s perfectly OK to feel some jitters.

Activities to Help Build Confidence

When it comes to helping your child build confidence, it helps to focus as much on the process as the actual outcome, and to reflect on the journey once the goal has been reached. This is most easily done with projects or goals that have specific or tangible results, like:

1. Creating something. Baking, building with blocks or tools, or helping out around the house all leave you with something to show for at the end. Even if the block tower falls down, you can say, “I like how tall it got. Let’s try to build a stronger foundation this time.”
    
2. Playing sports. Scoring a goal or winning a race are all great confidence-boosters, but so are assisting in the goal or beating your last race’s time. Whether your child’s team won or lost, be sure to ask how they felt about their performance and discuss things that could be repeated or improved upon next time.
    
3. Let Them Make Mistakes. We learn not only from what works, but from what doesn’t. Go ahead and let your kids tinker in the kitchen (even if they forget salt in the bread recipe) or try a different study strategy. Fight the urge to criticize and instead ask what they could do differently next time. Reflecting on what didn’t work helps point kids to a more successful path the next time they try.
    
4. Doing community service. Doing good for others tends to make us feel good about ourselves. Plus, many service activities also have tangible results, such as cleanup projects, community building projects and collecting donated items for those in need.

Confidence doesn’t come from always winning or being the best. It’s developed by putting in the hard work, taking pride in that work and knowing you gave it your all. These are the key ingredients for raising confident, healthy kids.